NIC: OH GOD . . . THERE YOU ARE!  *pant pant*  Here, take this!

JOE: It’s gonna be okay –

NIC: *shoves giant gold stick into Joe’s hands*  You have to, HAVE TO, make it to the top of that mountain before sunset or we’re all DOOMED!

JOE: What mountain . . . oooooohhhh.  The Dreaded Mountain of Eternal Chewing?

NIC: Yes.  Oh christ YES

JOE: Those damned Winged Porcupines of Ptolemy again.  Better grab my tuba.  Do you still have that family size case of Orange TicTacs?

NIC: Yes, but they transmogified into a large vat of bitter cognizant volleyballs.

JOE: So soon? But it’s still April. The equinox must have expedited during that solar tornado.

NIC: That’s what I thought at first, but I called the Grand Poobah Wizard of the Council of Basins, and also Brian Dennehy, and they said that the onyx-eating caterpillars had yet to begin celebrating their new year, so everything is ass-backwards.

JOE: Mmm yes.  To my Prius!

NIC: ZOOM . . . but it’s a Prius, so it’s more like wrrrrrr . . . . . . . . . . .

JOE: Don’t fret; I have a Mix in the player with real car sounds, so ZOOM!

CAR RADIO: “Today is gonna be the day that I’m gonna throw it back to you . . .”

JOE: Hold on, I have to press the back button.


NIC: Off to the time of lunches, returning shall I be in the mid-hour of the next cycle.  Be thee not afraid, for though I may tarry on my journey, there shall be not a moment of fro.

JOE: Wait!  Take my hand, dear brother.

NIC: *hand-take*

JOE: Do you like it?

NIC: In an odd way, yes.

JOE: The Old Sage of Mjolnir has bestowed upon me a protective moisturizer.

NIC: Oooooo.   Made with the godly silks of euphoria.

NIC: And lightning.

NIC: And aloe vera.

JOE: Take heed on your lunches, and for Gaia’s sake… chew.


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