NIC: OH GOD . . . THERE YOU ARE! *pant pant* Here, take this!
JOE: It’s gonna be okay –
NIC: *shoves giant gold stick into Joe’s hands* You have to, HAVE TO, make it to the top of that mountain before sunset or we’re all DOOMED!
JOE: What mountain . . . oooooohhhh. The Dreaded Mountain of Eternal Chewing?
NIC: Yes. Oh christ YES
JOE: Those damned Winged Porcupines of Ptolemy again. Better grab my tuba. Do you still have that family size case of Orange TicTacs?
NIC: Yes, but they transmogified into a large vat of bitter cognizant volleyballs.
JOE: So soon? But it’s still April. The equinox must have expedited during that solar tornado.
NIC: That’s what I thought at first, but I called the Grand Poobah Wizard of the Council of Basins, and also Brian Dennehy, and they said that the onyx-eating caterpillars had yet to begin celebrating their new year, so everything is ass-backwards.
JOE: Mmm yes. To my Prius!
NIC: ZOOM . . . but it’s a Prius, so it’s more like wrrrrrr . . . . . . . . . . .
JOE: Don’t fret; I have a Mix in the player with real car sounds, so ZOOM!
CAR RADIO: “Today is gonna be the day that I’m gonna throw it back to you . . .”
JOE: Hold on, I have to press the back button.
CAR RADIO: ZOOM!
NIC: Off to the time of lunches, returning shall I be in the mid-hour of the next cycle. Be thee not afraid, for though I may tarry on my journey, there shall be not a moment of fro.
JOE: Wait! Take my hand, dear brother.
JOE: Do you like it?
NIC: In an odd way, yes.
JOE: The Old Sage of Mjolnir has bestowed upon me a protective moisturizer.
NIC: Oooooo. Made with the godly silks of euphoria.
NIC: And lightning.
NIC: And aloe vera.
JOE: Take heed on your lunches, and for Gaia’s sake… chew.